For a time, I worked as receptionist at an Infiniti car dealership in Florida. I would come in every morning wearing brightly colored button down tops and business skirts. I could always count on the salesmen to make their rounds over to my desk and say good morning, only to catch their first glimpse of me to start the mental undressing process. I used to count how many times each salesman came up to my desk each day. The one with the most points usually ended up buying me lunch that day. Even then, I was quite the charmer to beware of.
Working behind a desk all day, for me, was hell on Earth. I remember watching the entire HBO series True Blood during those four months. My favorite thing to do was cut up the copy paper, staple them together and make tiny books of short stories. I still have them to this day. My desk chair was perfectly bouncy, soft and smooth enough to close my eyes, spin around, and pretend to be launching a spaceship. Whatever I could do to feel as though I was somewhere else, I did it. That’s when I knew I didn’t belong there.
Even though the job was comfortable, the pay was decent, and all that was expected of me was to smile and transfer phone calls, I felt like a bird trapped in a cage. What I came to realize is that the cage door is always open. Once I gave my notice, those last weeks at the dealership were filled with hope and excitement about the future. Although, at the time I had no idea what the future held. I was 20 years old and fearless.
My coworkers all teased me, saying how I had unrealistic dreams of becoming an entertainer and that I’d come back to work for them soon enough. Of course now, they may all make stupid jokes of my current profession as a porn actress. But, guess what? I’m still an actress, and an excellent one too. Plus, I imagine every single one of them has a subscription to my porn sites and visits them faithfully. I may have had lots of rocky roads along this journey so far, but I don’t ever regret leaving from behind a desk to step out on a leap of pure faith, no matter how blind.
Ever since I made the decision to leave the dealership, I’ve seen so much of the world. I’ve met some of the most interesting people alive, and I’ve met some of the worst as well. Life, to me, is about soaring toward your highest potential no matter what problems arise or who comes along to either help or hinder you. Even now I’m sitting at a desk, but in my favorite butterfly print pajamas, on my own terms. When your heart says go, and you choose to stay, it will keep talking until the day you finally listen. After that, the universe does all the rest.