At the Girlboss Rally convention I attended back in June, I sat in on a presentation by Jaspre Guest on blending purpose, wellness, and work. During her speech, she challenged us to think of our growth much like the action of repotting: putting a plant into a new, bigger pot when it's outgrown its current one.
There's that scary moment when the plant goes into shock from the new soil and seems as though it might die, but ultimately, it doesn't. That part of her message was so powerful to me that it stuck with me all year. It was the perfect metaphor for this recent transition in my life, and maybe even all transitions yet to come.
I remember the day I emailed my agent to let her know of my decision to stop taking adult film bookings. I was terrified, but it needed to be done. I could then put more of my attention (and intention) on the path I saught without worrying about being "on-call".
I'd released the possibility of having to drop everything and pack my lingerie, fly to another city, and add to the already extensive Anya Ivy collection. Once you completely close one door, you allow the others to open. There was also, however, the problem of those pesky gargoyles in my head repeating pessimistic thoughts.
"Will anyone accept me?" "Will they turn me away as soon as I enter a casting room?" "No one will hire someone with a history like mine." "No one will take me seriously." "How will you sustain your lifestyle?"
Thank goodness I got past those lies! I've covered a lot of ground by simply going for it. All the projects I've gotten to work on this year are ones I could have only dreamed of. The most amazing thing is, that this is only the beginning.
Tools to Transition:
Once you've done the banishing rituals and decided to move forward on your re-potting journey, the next step is to make the necessary lifestyle changes, cutbacks, sacrifices. For me, it was not just radical budgeting but moving out of my LA apartment and back into my family home in Georgia.
I had some money saved up; enough not to panic too early. Although you may not have any idea what you'll do for abundant, financial support, trust that the universe will take care of your needs. Living at home gave me the advantage of time and space to figure it all out.
In that moment where I didn't know what to do, who to talk to, or where to start, I was very afraid. I still am, but not nearly as much. All those things, believe it or not, work themselves out. When you place your highest intention (one that benefits you, those around you, and those you can't see) out into the world, everything you need falls into formation. Deepak Chopra calls it "synchrodestiny".
Going down an unknown path with total faith and unwavering determination is risky. Regardless, you ask the questions, you knock on the doors, and you figure it out. After everything, every doubt, every rejection, it is all so worth it. Following a path doing what you love, what comes naturally to you, what you're destined for, is always worth it.
In the past four months, I've covered ground I never thought I could as a budding mainstream actor, so gracefully. When I audition, no one throws things at me or tells me to leave because I'm a filthy internet whore; Or whatever else I've dreamt in my nightmares. The fears we have aren't real, they're fables, sent to slow you down.
If you've outgrown your pot, let this be an encouragement for you to consider re-potting too, my friend. You'll only rise to bigger and better heights because of it.